The Traffic (Non) Sense...

Driving any kind of a vehicle in India is a chimerical potion of sound, spectacle and an enduring experience. The roads and the vehicles are absolutely on their own, paying no heed to who or what is driving alongside them or whether any so called 'traffic rules' need to be followed. Even the traffic policemen truly and sincerely follow the worldwide rule of 'Customer is King'. We have an amazing tendency to assume immortality when we drive for ourselves and for fellow road users. In fact, Indian traffic is also like the Indian caste system, there are certain kinds of reservations for some sections of society. These are allowed to pass or overtake or cross the road on their own wish and in case of any accident these 'reserved' categories are never to be blamed! A few elements of this reserved sect include cows, elephants, pigs, bicyclists (which are evidently of two types in India - goods carrying and passenger carrying). 


Secondly, we take the use of horns as our birthright and can abuse anyone any time in case we are denied that right. We use the sonic fender in a number of ways. One is the 'urgent' call, usually used for clearing dogs, pedestrians and the flock of sheep which suddenly decided to graze the road. Next is the 'desperate' call, which we use along with the flashing of the headlights. In a decent and straightforward language, by this desperate call, we simply mean, "I am going too fast and have no intentions of stopping. So unless YOU decide to stop, we shall both meet in heaven"... And even after these two types, there still exists a third one, 'casual' call (my favorite one). It is basically used when we spot someone out of the 122 crores Indians who we recognize, or more often than not, we haven't used the horn for several minutes... ;)


 We have also gained expertise in multi tasking over the years (thanks to the development of MS Windows). While driving we love performing the amazing feat of text messaging our friends or even updating our facebook status to 'Driving in helluva Traffic.. :) '. We do not realize that these manoeuvres may be the reason of the traffic jam and the blaring horns behind us. another important aspect is overtaking. Come what may we always have the right to overtake. Every moving vehicle irrespective of its size, side or shape has the right to overtake every other moving vehicle also irrespective of the fact that it has just overtaken you! 


Another chronic problem of Indian vehicles on road, which is as serious and widespread as yellow fever in Africa, is of Overloading! But for this, I have devised a simple formula. The number of passengers a vehicle can carry = A²  , where A is the actual number of passenger allowed on a vehicle. As an example, the number of passengers allowed on a bicycle is 2, but the actual number that will be seated comfortably on an Indian bicycle = 2X2 = 4... So the next time you see an overloaded vehicle, do apply this formula for the test of its applicability and truthfulness. 


With the increasing number of accidents on Indian roads, I just wish that some sense is infused in the drivers for more safety in future. Finally, just one advice of crossing an Indian road - Look left, then right, then left again before crossing a ONE WAY road... ;)


Adios...

The Bath with Daily 'Soaps'...

SCENE 1 - 11 year old Yash enters his house without ringing the bell and goes straight to his mother. His mother, has the lunch ready for him as he rarely eats his tiffin in school and usually returns hungry and famished. But today, he seems quiet than usual. He does not scream on top of his voice for food and does not start recounting his school incidents to his mom like every day. His mom enters his room, where he is serenely seated on his bed. She observes him and realizes that he has a bleeding thumb which is hurting him. She immediately rushes to the other room and arranges the best first aid she can. She pampers him more than he actually needs. She sits with him and feeds him with her own loving and motherly hands... Yash is happy... and immediately cured.

SCENE 2 - (5 years later) - Yash is 16 years of age now and like other weekdays enters his house. The things have changed. His mother no longer has the lunch ready for her because she has her favorite daily soaps lined up back to back till 3 pm. She asks him to wait for some time or take everything himself from the kitchen and eat. He does not eat. He straight away walks away and gets locked up in the confines of his room... he starts crying his heart out. Not because his mother ignored him (that has been a daily instance for some years now), but because today he is facing a difficult teen problem and is going through a great dilemma of his life. He is in depression and wants to share things with someone close and personal. His friends are of the same age and therefore, as immature as him, he knows that...Time passes by and by the end of next three days, Yash learns to live like this... Yash is sad.

These two situations are a very basic and underlying problem we are going to face (or we already are?) due to the daily soaps being aired on television. Today, mothers are more interested in the tears of the protagonist's sister's sister-in-law because her husband is in love with her brother's wife. They do not care if there little kids are lying unattended in the cot next to them. The illness of the protagonist's mother-in-law's sister's husband might be of a greater concern than the illness of her own daughter crying in the next room. This has become a chronic problem of the over-emotional and highly impractical population of our country. And the main problem - the serial directors realize this fact. They have content not even worth of a single minute's attention which astonishingly continues for five years. Most of the women watch the episodes daily and more regularly than they would bathe or eat, and also abuse the directors for creating such an asinine episode, thus creating a juxtaposing situation.

I have no solutions to present on this, nor do I have any liniment of this perennial disease that a large chunk of our intelligent and bright population has been affected by. Anyways, I just wish and hope that some sense is infused in the creators and promoters (read: viewers), of such daily soaps, to stop creating such utter piece of ****, and switch to some better and more perspicacious content on television and please let the family system and family love of India intact.

Adios! :)

"The Great Indian Wedding" - The Diary of a Bhukt-Bhogi Teen-ager

24th October 2008
11.20 p.m.

Sorry Dear Diary, as I got late in writing to you today. I couldn't help it... After all, the food today was so exquisite and piquant, that it gave me loose motions. My stomach is aching and I dare not tell my mom about it, as she was continuously trying to stop me from overfeeding myself.. but when you have at least over hundred stalls all around you offering different types of appealing meals from across the globe, and when an electrifying aroma is raiding your nose, you dare not hold back your mouth! But,
 "Ab Dard-e-pet ka haal kya samjhogi tum, Aye Diary,
Tum kya jano Paneer Lababdaar ki Mehak ka jadoo kya hota hai..."

But anyways, I had to attend my cousin sister's wedding today. To be humble and frank, I basically did not even know her properly... She is my mom's cousin brother's sister-in-law's daughter... umm.. Never mind... But we are Indians and as long as your mother went to the "Naam-karan" of a kid, a couple of decades back, you have all the right to raid their wedding party (not to mention, the food...). Indian weddings and ceremonies confuse as well as bore me. First of all, being from the bride's side is a bane, I tell you... You have to wait for the 'baraat' to arrive before you can actually conduct a loot on various stalls. A BAD rule... :( ... I had to wait almost an hour and a half, because the 'baraatis' were dancing like maniacs on the main gate of the wedding location for almost an hour (as told to me by the giggling aunties, because I was standing at the golgappa stall waiting for it to start).

As soon as the 'baraat' arrived, there were a host of long-established and doctrinal ceremonies at the gate. Maybe they did not realize that I had skipped my lunch to prepare my stomach for the evening flood. After that, the groom proceeded to the centre stage receiving as much attention and ministration as the President receives on Republic Day function. But the face and habits of the groom clearly advertised that this was the first time he was receiving so much importance (and maybe he was aware of the fact, that it was the last too). After a minutes, the garland exchanging ceremony started where the bride was lifted by her family members high above to prevent the groom from garlanding her. She was about to fall when they gave up, I wondered why they agreed to the marriage in the first place, if they wanted to prevent it from happening... ... Never mind, I dug my hands further down my jeans pocket in an attempt to clean my fingers off the 'Tikki chole' remains (I lost my handkerchief in the school and did not tell my mom about it).

I overheard some uncles in the corner cracking jokes about marriage and guffawing loudly. I did not understand most of the jokes but did hear that Marriage for men just means experiencing pain and buying jewellery. I just thought that my friend would live very happily then, as he had an ear pierced and was familiar with both. I ignored the useless comment and moved on with my "Paneer Tikka". I noticed that now the bride and groom were getting their pics clicked with everyone and anyone. The family members had the expression of utmost content, as if they had just witnessed Urvashi and Menaka performing on "Aaja aaja Mai hoon pyaar tera...". On the contrary, the bride and the groom looked pestered and I even alluded that the bride just yawned widely, I pitied her...

Meanwhile, I had moved on to the main course after 8 snacks and 28 golgappas. The main course had a lot to offer, ranging from Paneer vegetable, mixed vegetable to a few other non-edible vegetables, maybe for the aged strata of the guests. There were two types of Daals,  and a few types of rotis. After having a satisfying dinner, I ate two rasgullas and a chocolate flavored ice cream, gladly accompanied by a Kulfi and Gulkand Paan to give it a perfect ending.

Therefore, May god bless the bride and groom for a bright future.... umm... and May god bless their parents for such an amazing meal... May they get married again and again and again.... :)

Adios...

ANNA-GLYPH - The Black and White of it...

Before jumping to the point, I would like to take you all in your past... When we were little kids, we often made irrelevant demands of bootless and stupid toys from our parents. On being out rightly refused, we often threw tantrums of different sorts - which included shunning the scrumptious food, keeping ourselves locked up in the room for hours, or crying and blackmailing our parents. When we crossed our limits, and continued our stupid and childish acts of conniption, we were often gifted with a tight slap across our sweet little faces... and? And the matter ended there and then... :P

Coming to the point now, what made me nostalgic was Anna Hazare's behaviour. Declaring a fast until all your demands are met and disrupting the normal functioning of the nation along with earning a free footage of 24 hour news channels seems to be the most futile attempt at something so grave. The thousands of people coming together against "corruption", do not even know what basically Jan Lokpal bill is... I made this point in my last post too and I make it yet again, that is fasting until death and throwing tantrums, the only solution to a problem so grave. Is Jan Lokpal Bill, a magic wand, which will eradicate the deep rooted problems in a  jiffy?   

Or is it correct to force the Bill on the parliament and other 122 crores of people across the nation. I would rather say, putting forward the demands in the way Aruna Roy did, would be much better, democratic and peaceful. 

Another things is that I have actually met people so lame and stupid, that they think if I am not in support of Anna Hazare, and if I am not taking to the streets and shouting slogans on top of my breath, then I am a corrupt person, who supports the government. First of all, since when has this movement become a Team Anna v/s The Ruling party war room? Team Anna's only demand  is Jan Lokpal Bill, and I would like everyone to read the JLB draft of Team Anna, just to look at how frivolous it is, and it is just like creating another bulky and unmanageable system for the country to cope up with. I do not support the stand or the statements of the government, nor do I disrespect Anna, or doubt his 'genuine' intentions (despite the fact, that  it was found that he once spent Rs. 20 Lakhs on his birthday celebrations, he was found drinking milk shake with dry fruits in one of his earlier fasts, and the fact that he was guilty of maladministration in two public trusts), my point remains that who is going to profit from a massive and berserk bill, which is being forced by Team Anna. 

Finally, a little note to various people/groups:-

Team Anna - You guys are not the only intelligent people left in the country to make laws. Please listen to others and give them a chance. Other people (read: Aruna Roy or JP) might have something better to offer too. 

Anna Hazare - Stop being a puppet in the hands of Arvind Kejriwal, and please stop creating a chaos in the country. 

Congress - You guys are famous for holding double standards since ages. Its time to wake up, please come out of your dreams, and take actions. 

Dr. Manmohan Singh - Just because you have stupid colleagues doesn't mean that you start behaving like one too. You and Anna share things in common - you both are puppets, to start with... ;)

Rahul Gandhi - God gifted you with something beneath the nose, guarded by 32 teeth... USE IT...

Followers of Anna Hazare and People of my nation - (I am repeating this from my previous post) - think for yourself and do not depend on a law to change things. Be the change and change your own mindsets... then talk about an "India against corruption".... 

(I hope this particular blog post reaches far and wide and urge people to know more about something that they are following, or maybe just serve as a wake up call)

Adios! 

The Ultimate Uproar

Not more than 5 percent of the Indian Population knew about Anna Hazare before the "India Against Corruption" Movement... but now, there are not even 5 percent people who don't know him. From the very civilized sophisticated youth to the retired old civilians, everyone has become a part of this massive uproar taking place across the nation. In fact, people now almost give out a sigh of sympathy and support even when photos of Anna Hazare with a little 3 year old girl are flashed on the national news. Was it a desire to raise a voice, curbed somewhere inside the people of India which came out through this movement, or is it just the anger against corruption that is now erupting like a volcano?

When I watch the news, I actually realize that most of the people joining the movement just want to get rid of the corruption, they do not even know what basically Lokpal Bill is... This means that people are against the government, fair enough? But then, if we have single look at the Lokpal bill proposed by Anna Hazare, the fact shines like a diamond that it is absolutely impractical and too perfect to be implemented in a vast country like ours. Anna Hazare has definitely become the hero of the people of India, and soon he might even be termed as the Father of the New Nation, but we still have a long way to go before we get rid of corruption. Mere implementation of an Act or a law will not eradicate this age old problem of our country, after all how many laws do we actually care about? The real change has to come about in our own minds and in our own acts. Anna Hazare is no doubt a great activist and an honest person, in fact the work he did in his village Ralegan Sidhi was not only commendable but truly great. But we need to have a look at the realities too...

To conclude, I am against corruption too, but let us start the change from our own mindsets. Let us not depend on a particular law for this mammoth task. And as far as Anna's fasting is concerned, May he live long and may he earn even more media footage (after all, even SRK never appeared on TV for 24X7)... I just fear that the next child born in India might come out screaming, "ANNA TUM SANGARSH KARO... HUM TUMHARE SAATH HAI..." ;)

Adios! :)

P.S. - for people who are wondering what this article was all about, please visit www.annahazare.com

Ye Result Kyu Aata Hai... ?

2 Days before my 12th Board results were to be announced, I had a dream. I was in a dark cave, amidst hideous and hungry crocodiles. Suddenly, a dark woman appeared in front of me with deadly black teeth, messed up hairs which looked like jute ropes, horrendous red eyes with blood in them... She started hitting me with a hunter! I was screaming in pain. There were sounds of mourns and growls around me and I continued screaming in agony. Snakes were now crawling up my legs towards me, I knew those were my very last moments on the face of the Earth... I asked her a last question out of curiosity, "Who the hell are you?"
She gave a plain laugh, the ones which gives you goosebumps. She stared into my eyes and spoke in a whisper, "I am.... RESULT....bwahahahaha!!!!..."

I woke up panting like a dog. I looked around me to examine my surroundings. I took a sigh of relief on seeing the familiar coziness of my room and the usual mess of clothes and books. I got up rubbing my eyes with laziness and realized that the my board result was just 2 days away.
Luckily, I scored pretty decent at that time, but I realized something... No matter how old are you or no matter how insignificant the exam is or no matter how well you think you have done, when the last week before your results are to be announced, starts, you feel a weird sensation in your body. The normal processes of digestion, urination or even more basic ones like thinking, are naturally disrupted.

Every time someones asks you, "Heya... when is the result coming out?", having a feeling of hitting them straight on the nose, is very common and perfectly normal. Every time someone mentions the date of your result in some other context also, you feel like puking or peeing. Its all normal! We have a common tendency of exploiting all the 330 million deities of India, and we suddenly gain respect towards all the religions... we start regretting over all the mischief we did in the past and start apologizing to God for putting a bomb under the teacher's chair when we were in X standard!!
Also, the period between giving the examinations and the announcement of results is something we take as our birthright to enjoy. We do all sorts of crazy and kooky things and then all of a sudden we start regretting! However, as soon as the exams are over, we never look back at how we did or we never try to evaluate ourselves. The authorities keep screaming at the top of their voices that the suggested answers have been issued but we keep a considerable and safe distance from such 'useless' notices! But, only when the week before the result starts, we take a look at those answers with great anticipation and fear, by which time we have forgotten all the answers that we actually wrote! And it is this time, when we start repenting on our wisecracks that we made during the exams like, defining 'syntax' as the tax paid by sinners!!!

Anyways, So here I sit on my chair in front of my laptop waiting for the "Khooni Manzar", as has been rightly put by an Event on Facebook... 'God' Save me... :) :D

Love - THE UNANSWERED QUESTION...

Everyone wants to read about Love, that is actually the topic that interests people, i have realized. On my previous blog, till the time I wrote sensible things, the views remained maximum upto 25-30, but when i wrote things like love, relationships, romantic songs, the views jacked up to 50-60. So here I once again attempt to write something on the brobdingnagian subject. This time I have tried to delve deeper into the topic about What actually is love?

Though philosophers, psycologists, experts, poets et aliae have tried to define love in more ways than one. Whether it is a relationship, it is friendship, it is something platonic, spiritual, religious or a mere feeling, this I fail to discern, but one thing I can say is that Love is the eternal truth of Mankind. And definitely, saying that Love is the reason of our existence, is not a hyperbole.

What did William Shakespeare mean, when he said, "Love all, trust few and do wrong to none..." My point is the same! Since ages people have wrongly confused love with girlfriend/boyfriend. The fact is that a mother loves a child unconditionally and no love can parallel that feeling or emotion. Sufism concept of love has also been a matter of my engorssment. Sufis have always associated love with God, which is another form of pure feeling. Psycology potrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with social cause having three components: Intimacy, Commitment and Passion. However, ancient philopohers, scholars and poets have always agreed one a common point that Love is nothing but Tolerance. I have observed that Love has remained the favorite topic of painters, sculptors, authors and poets. Is it because of the wide scope and extent of Love, or just because "Love" is a topic of people's interest? There is a whole book by the name "The general theory of Love", which explains the topic into great details!!! My point is that a single blog post is too small and bantum to define and explain love. 

People often ask me, how to make someone "fall" in love with you? There are two fundamental problems in that question. One, which is very obvious is that no one "falls" in love. Love is not a pit. One rises in Love, as i feel. Secondly, no one can be "made" to love. Love happens naturally. It is not an exact science based on fixed principles and truths. On the contrary, love is an absolutely tenebrous, fuzzy and amorphous emotion. It is as impromptu as it can be. Therefore, one piece of advice as i close (for those, who felt this article was vexing and schlocky) - Be together, share your joy and sorrow, understand each other, provide space to each other and surely Love will blossom to strengthen your relationship... :)

Adios! :)