The Movie Theatre Theatrics!

Watching a movie in an Indian theatre is no less than an enriching experience, a joy ride in itself. The whole of Indian society comes alive represented in different types of people around you.
The last night, I went for a movie which was one of the most awaited movies of this season. I never anticipated that it would turn out to be a *facepalm* outing for me!
There are certain kinds of people you happen to knock into cinema halls. With the close knit family systems in our country, you are bound to meet a long lost relative or an old friend, the one you wanted to meet the least! Also, the chances of bumping into a relative is directly proportional to your chances of being with your girlfriend. The old friend who you always ignored would suddenly scream a "Hi Bhai" at you from the other end of the row, making all the heads turn into your direction and giving you a straight face, with some people giggling at you.
If that is not embarrassing enough, you may meet your neighbourhood aunty, who would cynically ask you about the movie when your parents are around the next day.

Then, there are always couples who throng the theatres. Although the chances of a couple being found are more in a movie that is meant to flop at the box office. These are the same kind of people who take judicious advantage of the opportunity when a train passes through a tunnel. If your day is worse than your normal days, then you might even hear slurping sounds of kissing and sometimes even more perplexing moans that will make you look around as if you are thinking something really hard.

Another common type of people who happen to be around you in a movie theatre are the ones who have extremely loud ringtones and surprisingly those are the ones who get the largest number of calls. All the business deals of uncles and maid-management of aunties back home is done during those 3 hours of a movie. Sometimes, such people are accompanied by their kids, who undoubtedly decide to cry their lungs out or feel hungry or want to pee thrice during the movie itself. These kids often mistake the movie theatre with a playground and happen to run around, mostly falling flat on your feet and almost giving you a fracture.

Moreover, there are always those uncles who have already seen the movie and they narrate the whole movie in advance to the ones accompanying them just like the Kurukshetra war was being described to King Drithrashtra. You would truly wish that they keep saying "Spoiler Alert" every now and then so that you can at least close your ears on the cue!

There are those youngsters who come to create a ruckus and these are actually the reason why we are generalised as 'anti social'. They would pass derogatory remarks on scenes, pseudo-humorous comments and then laugh their heads off, high-fiving each other as if they were the reincarnations of Ravana. Some of these are too vile and don't hesitate in dancing to their heart's content on songs like 'Munni badnaam hui'.

Some people don't think twice before keeping their legs up on the seat in front of them as if their dad is the partner in the theatre! More often than not their shoes/socks smell so bad that you feel nauseatic. Some of them even burp loudly filling the air around with a stinking onion smell, giving you a deja vu of a Public toilet on a bus stand.

There are people who enter the theatre loaded with food stuff as if this would be the last time they are eating and we will encounter an apocalypse as soon as the movie ends. Your nostrils are filled with the smell of samosas and popcorns if such people happen to be around you.

If you can connect, either you are one of these or you had an encounter with them relatively recently. By the end of the movie, you come out relieved and thank the founders of Torrent, because aise logo ki Condition Serious Hai... 


Anonymous said...

you and your sarcasm! :D

Priyam said...

Totally nailed it.. :)

Dhwaj said...

this is a masterpiece.. :)

Post a Comment